Father's Day Weekend

We had a fun Father's Day weekend. My parents came out from Tennessee and my brother came up from Las Vegas with his wife and daughter to the South Lake Tahoe area. Arrangements had been made some time ago by my parents to have a condo there for a week. Since Kyler had to be back for treatments we were only able to stay the weekend. Still, it was good to be together.

I was sorely tempted to stay in Tahoe. The beauty of the lake and surrounding mountains peaked with snow was very therapeutic for my soul. Breathing clean air with a slight hint of vanilla from the Jeffrey Pines nearby was a joy. Being close to those who love us most and were willing to listen was very much needed for us right now.

As beautiful as the scenery was and the richness of the company, my ability to fully enjoy it was tempered by the weakened state of our son. He is continually tired and lethargic even after the blood transfusion. We can get him to eat little and he occasionally loses what he has eaten.

It's hard for me not to get angry when he won't eat as much as we think he should or vomits what little he has eaten. Sandie feels guilty. He is so small and doesn't know how to fight for himself. He repeats, "I'm just a little boy", when it gets too overwhelming for him. I'm so angry that he has to grow up too quickly in too many ways through this. I just want him to be able to be a little boy right now. I miss our smiling, energetic boy full of life and joy.

He doesn't understand that some things you just have to do because they are good for you and vitally important. You're not going to like everything and it's not all going to taste great and be your favorite. If I push too hard it backfires and we lose ground nutritionally. Yet I cannot eat for him or take his nutritional supplements for him. There is only so much we can do and then it seems we are helpless beyond that.

Yet we are not without options or hope. Knowing there are many of you praying fervently gives us strength. God loves to give wisdom to those who ask without doubting that he will actually follow through. We are asking daily.

We are contemplating some bold moves in regards to Kyler's care out of frustration with the current situation. There are risks involved. We would be swimming against the current of normal medical practices. However, since the cancer cure rates have not effectively changed in the past two decades, 'normal medical practices' have lost their glow of promise. They have only been able to reduce the number and severity of side effects with all their 'advances'. I am becoming increasingly jaded toward institutionalized medicine that treats symptoms and conditions and not root causes and the whole person.

Please pray for strength and courage for us right now. We need to hear from our God, "Be strong and of good courage."

In all of this we have determined, with much prayer and counsel, that it is too much for us to try and walk this road with Kyler and plant a church at the same time. We have chosen to lay down The Foundry. We have chosen the health of our marriage and family. We have chosen to pursue the Kingdom of God as a family unit above all and trust that everything else we need will be provided.

God's grace and peace to you.